Zombie

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

-Edgar Allan Poe

Days are becoming those of you clutching your winter coat. As the winter air bites against your cheeks and whispers it's secrets of the coming of winter. And you shiver as it kisses your nose and fingers. My nose reminisces that of Rudolph in about the time of two minutes. I fear that everywhere I step I stick out like a sore thumb. But every day I am told of how Austrian I look. Thank goodness that my dreadfully pale complexion is one of normality here.

My days have dwindled down to normalities and reminders of my life at home. My school schedule is that of bliss without Math, French, Physics, and others. My mind pounders and strings together sentences of German quicker than I ever though it would. And my English skills seems to be at a standstill. As I have to conjure up the English word when asked by a friend now instead of it just easing off of my tongue.

Austria is still an obscured land to me. With secrets of manners and postures that I am just now discovering. It seems that it will never completely unravel its mysterious at once, like I oh so desperately wish it would.

School days are regular occurrences now. It has become less exhausting, but sometimes my eyes seems to flicker on and off with my brain. Class schedules are starting to be memorized like they should be and I scurry in every morning now feeling like this is my class. It is, however, a tremendous adjustment changing. American schools retain little similarities to that of Austrian.

November is almost halfway through now and I feel as though I wrote the other day. Yet so many things have happened. So many travels have taken place. I have been to Vienna twice. Celebrated a birthday with a friend, seen castles, drank coffee outside, visited a cemetery, and countless other things.

Your life always seems normal to you, even when it is swimming with countless events. But I enjoy that. Never feeling overwhelmed, never stressed. Just simply here. Where I want to be.

Current Book: Pride and Prejudice

Seasons of Changeless Change

"Don't think of this as a once in a lifetime but that your lifetime is only lived once."

-My dearest Mum

(this is my life) ^^

Time has a funny way of playing with your mind. One day you are packing your bags and the next they have been unpacked for almost two months. You feel as though you haven't missed anything that is happening at home. That everything is at a standstill. But, you realize that it won't. A lot of things have changed, yet so many things are the same. I still am the groggiest person in the mornings, still hit the snooze button multiple times, still dance while getting ready in the morning, still laugh at random jokes, and still am a huge procrastinator. You realize that you still are the same person. I'm still the same "boring" me, Austria can't change that.

Everything here is beautiful and enchanting. The streets hold comfort now. And I feel like I haven't left home. The independence is reassuring that I can take anything. But, I still feel hopeless while I wonder the streets. And got lost on purpose to waste time and just think. Walking has a pattern that calms you. That makes your thinking calming. And quiets the pounding of your heart.

Austria holds so much mystery, some that I am still unraveling. You never ask to many questions because you learn more by just observing. Seeing how your family waits until everyone is served before you eat. That you must utter a "Danke shön" after almost everything. An "Entschuldigen" after anything you do that could ultimately put harm to anyone. If you simply brush shoulders with someone it is said. Austrians are passionately friendly, but still retain the coldness of a European. And their friendships leave you baffled as they are nothing like those that I am used to. Everything is new and grand.

Seasons of Changeless Change come as I stay the same yet am reinvented. They come with the glistening change of the autumn leaves. And I await to see the change that comes next. To see how I amount upon my arrival home.

And until later, Tschüs.

Current Book: Into The Wild

Chapter 2: Welcome to Your New Life

"You will either be the Jerk who doesn't try, or the girl with the charming accent."

-Franz Schramm

Drowsy mornings of sleeping in have now turned into School days with buzzing alarms waking me up before the sun has even began to show its rays. I find myself rushing to get ready in the morning as I push the snooze button as many times as it will allow. My feet drag because even in Austria school is not a joy I look forward to.

School is difficult. It is a burden to go from being one of the top to not understanding almost anything that my teachers utter out of their Austrian mouths. You feel defeated inside for a portion of the time. Because you begin to feel worthless as you sit in the very back row and make your classmates translate to you. You feel awkward because for the first time you are looking over the shoulder next to you and copying someones work.

Books have become my best friend here again. And I find myself in Thalia, the bookstore of Austria, wondering the English shelves. Just stroking the bindings of my loving friends. Who flood me with words of comfort. I am afraid that I will not be able to bring all my newfound loves back home with me. The ones that offer me comfort of understanding when my brain simply can not take any more German. For I am not trying to escape the world of German and not learn, I just need a small break to collect my thoughts and register that I am not incompetent. I need to see that I have mastered my own language. Maybe one day I will be able to pick up the Harry Potter book that I bought in German and understand it. And my English loves will have foreign friends to accompany them on the shelf.

But as my days come and go and I rarely realize how long I have been here. For almost two months. It is alarming. To think that I have been here for that long. I feel as though I was trying to navigate through the Wien Airport just a two weeks ago. Time is only numbers though and I rarely think about it. Rarely remember the day of the week it is. Rarely remember the month and the day. For it doesn't matter for my experience. I want to live by life, not live my numbers.

But even though days slip by, so many things have happened to me. Things that will change me. But, I just don't see the change yet. I am scared to go home already and face everything. For everything will have change a small ounce, but I will change for miles. I will become a different person. Will people recognize me? Will I recognize myself?

My posts have been long awaited by myself. I always write them in my head. But can never type them. I sit in school and write them, but they never make it. I shall cut his one off now. But I make a pact to others, but mostly to myself and my mother. To post more. So I can look back. Look back and see my thoughts.

But my brain is struggling to keep up with my hands as I am tired out of my mind. And my functioning is not well.

Until soon. Until soon, yes, that sounds right.

Current Book - Eat. Pray. Love

Life Has Already Bite Me

"The world is wide, and so your mind should be."

-Franz Schramm

Days are beginning to blur together. Tuesdays are Wednesdays and Saturdays are mearly Sundays. And everything has become vastly quite and calm since leaving language camp. It's surreal how much you enjoy being around sixty-two others who have at least one thing in common with you. Although I feel as though I have only been in Austria for a few days my time will soon become one month. And I wish it wasn't. Because that means that time is counting down.

I fear that my mother might be right, that I won't want to leave. But everything feels so natural here. As though it is my second home. I belong here. Europe has beaconed me forth for years. And my lengthly desire has lead me here.

While I encountered new friends while enduring my two weeks of Deutsch bootcamp. Ones that I can't wait to spend the rest of my year with. Even if it means that I might have to travel an hour or two to see them. With their graceful French accents and New York slang will always ring in my head. I love them and their are my Rotary family and always will be.

But right now my fingers are fried. And my brain is tortured from its consistent use. But I promise I will keep up more often. And inform those faceless faces who read my nonsense. So to you I send my Austrian blessings.

Transitions

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.”

My last three days have become those of enchantment and relaxation. With breakfasts of fresh baked bread and evening meals of pastas. Surrounded by the greenest grasses my eyes have ever feasted on and mountains that seem to be able to touch the heavens themselves. Austria has began to unveil its wondrous surprises to me. Within the three days that I have been here I have already traveled through almost the whole country and seen what wonders it has to hold.

And with thinking back I can not see how I had been so upset when was told I was to be sent here. I longed to go to Italy, but now being here I couldn't be any happier. The draw of European culture has already taken my heart and I long to learn more from it. For my dreams of being able to explore new cultures of others is beginning to unfold. As I find my heart at rest where I sit at this moment. I am thankful and bewildered that I am here.

For I smile while my family speaks German laced on with a few words that I know. And gleam when they offer the most generous hospitality that I have ever known. As they try as very hard to make me be able to feel at home and at peace. And question every moment if I need anything. I an joyous of everything that has been of these three days and am ecstatic to see the joys that my come tonight as I watch my first European football match. As I am told that it will bring many emotions even if it is only on the television. As Austria is to play Switzerland and I am told that our neighbors to our apartment are from there so we must cheer loud so they know.

Until later,

Auf Wiedersehen